This girl is more easily done than said...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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