you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
