I got chris browned last night
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
