wrigley field is MILF paradise
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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