Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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