Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
