I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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