I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
