he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
