I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize