the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
