I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
