Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
