Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
