He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
