I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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