On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
