Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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