i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
