Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
