i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize