my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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