JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
