i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
