if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
