woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
