GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
