Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I think i got beer on your cat.
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