apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
