I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
