I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I fill condoms, not promises.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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