I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
