I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
