Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
