I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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