Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
