Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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