it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
