I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
