How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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