Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
