exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
