I'd wear matching sweaters with you
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
