Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
