it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
