Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
