You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
