Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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