he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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