If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
