Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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