I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
