i permit you to call me
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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