Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize