i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
