a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
no more duck duck goose at the bar
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
