just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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