I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
It's just like the Real World with babies
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
