i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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