is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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