i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize