I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize