we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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