babies were throwing up all over the place
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
