so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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