U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
