i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
