Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
