People in love make me want to vomit
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
