pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
